How to say Goodbye
by Simon wanna be
Summary: Simon loves Jeanette with all of his heart. But when life flies by will he forget her? I can't tell you a whole lot because it would ruin the whole story. But all I can say is that it's a touching story of true love that never ends no matter what.


Hey it must be miracle I am posting twice within the last 6 months. So the story is based on someone's real life story, there are interesting tidbits about my life and real name. As well as the name of the girl I really like. However I can't tell you anything and I can only hope and assume that you can figure them out. If you really want to know please send me a PM and I will tell you. Anyways, happy reading and grab a hold of some tissue paper you just might need it.

* * *

"Daddy, can we go play outside?" Ben asked his father.

"Ben, daddy isn't in the mood to play right now." Simon said in a low and rather depressing tone.

Ben cocked his head and gave his father a weird look and then headed out of the room and through the front door. There was something rather strange that would happen to his father around this time of year and the days leading up to this particular day that got his father rather down. His father wouldn't tell him what was wrong; he guessed that it had something to do with him.

Ben was thirteen years old and looked a lot like his father; he even wore his father's old frames when his father was growing up. He really looked up to his father and thought the world of him. Ben was about Simon's height at that age and was very intelligent.

Simon was married to Jackie who had long dark brown hair, a slender and sleek figure, a pretty smile and a great looking face. They had been married for about fourteen years and met at church. Simon hadn't changed much from his youth; he was older, wiser and still sang but only in the church worship service.

Today was a very important day for him, although not in a good way. His wife knew that something had happened to a very close friend of his during his youth but she could never get Simon to tell her. He tried to so many times but every time he tried he would choke up and start crying. But she loved him and she knew that he loved her with all of his heart.

For some reason Simon was more withdrawn then ever before. He was in his upstairs office staring at his laptop which had something from his work pulled up on it. He was very still, his breathing was very slow and his face showed signs of sadness but it could be mistaken as tiredness if the viewer didn't know better.

Ben came into the room with a loud bang accompanied with yelling and screaming. He was playing cops and robbers which his father enjoyed playing. Usually Simon would play the bad guy and Ben would try to catch and arrest his dad. However Simon didn't respond the way he normally would have.

"Ben! Cut that out!" Simon barked at Ben in a harsh and commanding tone. This was something that Simon only did when his son had done something very wrong as it was his angry voice.

Ben stopped and stood still. He looked at his father and his facial features indicated confusion and dismay. He didn't think he had done anything wrong. "Daddy are you mad at me?" Ben asked in his most sincere and sorry voice.

Simon who had been staring at the computer even after Ben came bursting into the room turned to look at his son. He noticed that Ben was in a state of shock. "No I'm just tired and I didn't mean to yell at you. Daddy is just having a hard day." Simon spoke softly and rather slowly as if chewing on his words. Once he finished his words he slowly closed the laptop and stood up. Ben was still in the room and halfway between the door and the desk.

Simon walked up to his son and ruffled his hair and then walked out the door without so much as another word. Simon walked into the kitchen where he saw his beautiful wife; he walked up behind her and hugged her. She placed her hands on his which were wrapped around her waist.

"Is everything ok?" Jackie asked concerned.

"I just feel so empty on this day. Not to mention I got some rather disheartening reminders of my past a couple of days ago. I think I will go for a long walk." Simon spoke practically whispering to his wife.

With that said he released her and walked out the door just as Ben was going down the stairs to see what was the matter with his father. When Ben saw his father walk out the front door he quickly rushed to his mother to find out what the matter was.

"MOM! Is everything ok between you and dad? He's not leaving is he? I didn't mean to upset him in his office. I didn't know he was that busy." Ben spoke in a calm yet frantic manner.

"It's ok. Your father loves you. He's not leaving us. He just needs to take a walk. He has some stuff that he's just not ready to tell us, he's just so hurt from whatever it was that he just keeps it to himself." Jackie said in a soothing and calm voice.

"You don't know what's wrong with daddy either?" Ben asked confused. "I thought you guys didn't keep secrets from one another, I know dad makes it a policy to tell you everything. He told me so!"

"Well Ben, that's true. But I think the secret he carries isn't something bad, as a matter of fact I think it's something very tragic that happened to him." Jackie replied thinking back at all the times Simon had tried to tell her but never could.

"Is he going to be alright? I mean it's very cloudy outside and he might get rained on." Ben asked trying to talk his mom into following his dad.

"Oh Ben, you think you are so clever. I know what you are trying to get me to do and I will tell you that it's a great idea. I think we should take the car." Jackie said with a slight smile as the two of them got ready to leave.

Simon was walking at a rather brisk pace, his head was hurting and his heart longed for something that he knew could never be. He had always made it a point to take the day off and go to his special place, the place where it all began, the exact same place where it all started to go wrong and the place where it stopped being.

He chose the location of the house that he and his wife built for a reason, he had taken measures to be able to go to this special place whenever he needed to. He had managed to cut it down to once a year on this particular day. As he neared the place he pulled out a key that he always kept with him. The key had a faded scuffed purple reflector at the top. He finally reached a gated piece of land; it was a good distance away from the road and about 20 blocks down from his house, located off of an unused road that hadn't been well maintained since it was scarcely used.

Simon looked over his shoulders and a flood of old and painful memories hit him, his head was filled with joy and sadness all at the same time. He shook his head slowly trying in vain to forget those memories.

He turned back around and began to walk into what looked like a forest, on either side of him there was a metal chain link fence. There was a stone pathway that had seen better days but the area within the fence was well kept for the most part. As he continued to walk there was in the near distance a little flowing stream, a faded white stone bench with a little white Garden Trellis that had vines growing on it.

Off to the right of the beautiful sight was a head stone and little white fence marking the grave area. The headstone was overlooking the creek that was in front of it. Simon's pace was at a crawl now, he moved slowly as if he was in great pain caused by something within the fenced off area.

After what seemed like hours he finally stood behind the headstone and he placed a hand on it and slowly moved it left to right as if rubbing someone's head. He did this for a moment and then moved to stand beside the head stone, his hand was still on it but he was looking at the view in front of him.

"I'm sorry you couldn't be here to see this." Simon said under his breath to no one. The tone was filled with grief and sorrow.

He stood there for a while and then walked over to the white bench and sat down. He placed his head in his hands and rested his elbows on top of his knees. Light sobbing could be heard coming from him.

Ben and Jackie were looking for Simon but were unable to find him. They thought he took the main road but after driving around for a good long while they couldn't find him. They tried calling him but his phone went straight to voicemail. Finally they decided to take the unused road and there they saw the open gate and decided to investigate. Jackie pulled her SUV up to the gate and turned it off, but when they both got out Jackie told Ben to stay with the car.

Jackie walked slowly down the path and after a short distance saw her husband sitting on the bench. She walked softly making sure that she made as little sound as possible. This was her chance to find out what it was that he had been trying so hard to tell her for so long.

Jackie sat down beside Simon without him even noticing until she broke the silence.

"This is a nice place." Jackie said her voice barely above a whisper but loud enough for Simon to hear. "Must have been a very special person?"

"She was the best." Simon said after a few moments of silence, he looked up and turned his head to face her. His face was stained with tears and his eyes were puffy.

"Do you want to tell me? Or do you want to wait?" Jackie asked looking deep into Simon's eyes.

"It's time I tell you the whole story." Simon said as he pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped his eyes. "Where to start, I suppose it goes back as far as my child hood. As you know I was a singer with my brothers and I assume that you have seen me in my pictures performing with girls that were a trio just like my brothers and I. What you didn't know is that we all fell for the members of the other band. You know Alvin and Brittany, Theodore and Eleanor but you don't know about Simon and Jeanette. I suppose you don't need to be told that I am Simon. However Jeanette is another story, we performed and were the best of friends from the time we met until her passing." Simon paused to collect his thoughts as well as let it all sink in.

"So the girl in the pictures with you was your best friend, but why do you hide the pictures and hardly ever speak to your family?" Jackie asked.

"You see that's just it, we were more then best friends. I would destroy all of those photos if I thought I could live with that decision, it's just too painful looking back to that time. The same goes for my family. I guess to fully understand why you must first hear the rest of the story. This place, the very sight you see before you was the place where Jeanette and I had our first date. It wasn't as pretty then as it is now. It was late evening when I brought her here; I even brought my expensive telescope here to gaze at the stars with her. How she loved the night sky and how wonderful the stars looked. It was here that we shared our first kiss. It was a bond unlike anything I've ever felt before or since. It was undeniable, unmistakable true love that was so strong that we knew when the other needed a word of encouragement." Simon paused, his body shuddered as memories that he had suppressed came rushing at him all at once.

"We dated all throughout high school, but since we were so smart we graduated two years early. We went to the same college and we still continued to date and have a great time. We had already finished one year of college when one day Jeanette went to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well and they ran a bunch of tests on her. We were having our anniversary on this day which happened to be the day she learned of her results. We were meeting at this place for our anniversary; I had a wonderful picnic under the evening sky planned. She didn't want to tell me and ruin all my plans for her. As the evening was winding down and were about to leave for the night she told me the results of the tests. The irony is I was sitting right here where I am now and she was sitting where you are right now. She held my hand and with a trembling voice told me that she was going to die, it was a matter of time. The doctor had found an unknown cancer that was very aggressive and was destroying her body at an alarming pace." At this point Simon began to sob as terrible memories began to bombard him. He cried for a long time before being able to continue on.

"We both dropped out of college, I stood by her side day and night. I was as loyal as any dog; I would have moved heaven and earth to save her. I would have freely given my life to save hers. She was in chemotherapy with the highest and most powerful doses known at the time. She lost all of her hair; she was so sick that most days she was bed ridden. I would bring her food and help however I could. It broke my heart seeing her in so much pain. I loved her with all of my heart and she loved me. I tried to propose to her, but she wouldn't hear of it because she knew she was dying. Finally she was so bad that she was placed in the hospital, the doctor said she had three months to live, but her will and determination to live and be with me outlasted even the doctors best guess. But finally on our anniversary she lost her battle. I remember that day clearly, I was at the hospital as usual, I practically lived there. She had been fading in and out coma's as her body was slowly shutting down, she had just come out of one that morning. She was so weak and tired, oh God how weak she looked, I placed her hand in mine and she squeezed it weakly, she looked at me and said "I love you, Simon. Saying good bye forever is so hard. Never forget me, but don't let my death stop you from living." And with that she closed her eyes and she was gone. Today would have been our anniversary of the first date, but now it's a painful memory of the day she told me she was dying and then one year later she died." Simon closed his eyes, tears came flooding back and he struggled to breath.

"Oh Simon I am so sorry. I had to idea. I see why you never were able to tell me." Jackie said with tears in her eyes as well. She hugged Simon tightly and kissed his forehead.

"You know I love you right?" Simon asked her once his crying slowed.

"I know you do."

"I think it was you who anchored me here, I was so lost without Jeanette that I spent every waking minute here. I bought this piece of land and I spent months making it perfect, it was a labor of love and pain. I usually spent the day working and I would sleep next to her grave crying out to God and wishing that he had taken me instead of her. I hated him for taking her from me, I blamed him for so long and I was sick of people telling me it was going to be ok, and that it was all for God's glory. My life was a living hell. I spent a year lost, hurt, confused and stumbling around. My family tried so hard to help me; Jeanette's sisters did all that they could to console me. I would get so low that some days I was so close to killing myself and ending it all. That all changed when I bumped into you at church, I was in the middle of a healing process with my relationship with God. Then things began to turn around."

"Wow, I see why you struggle on this day and I thank you for letting me in. I only wish I could do more to console you." Jackie said with a sorrowful voice.

"Today was extremely hard for me; I was looking over some old files and papers that I found a few days ago. I knew it was a bad idea to look at my past but I just had to, I wanted to see if I could manage to clean up the stuff. I came across Jeanette's journal and I just had to read it, I know she wouldn't mind. For the most part it was what I would have expected; there was some stuff from her childhood that she wrote about. I was just about to close it when I realized that there was more to it. I didn't know that she had written more stuff in it, I guess she must have decided during her sickness to leave me with little love notes and encouragements. At first she started just writing about me and what she was going through. One of her journal entries was about how much pain she was in and how I was able to help her through it just by being with her. As her time was ending and she knew she was fading fast she started to write me farewell letters. She wrote them for the one month, six month and one year anniversary of her passing. She then wrote one for every five years after her passing, today would be almost 20 years since she died. I can't recall it by heart but she had talked about how she wished we could have been married for all those years and what she had hoped we would have done. I guess my problem is that I could totally see all that she had talked about actually being real. I just wish that I was able to forget all of those painful memories."

"I understand; I know how hard that must have been. Realizing that you will never be able to have those memories or do the things that she would have liked to do. I cannot imagine the great pain that you carry with you. All I can say is that I am glad that you were able to find a special place in your heart for me." Jackie said feeling her heart sink with pain at the thought that Simon might not love her as much.

"I love you just as much as I loved Jeanette and you will always have my heart as well as all the love that I have within my being. Jeanette will always have a special place in my heart. But you are my whole being, who I am and who I will always love forever!" Simon said hugging his wife.

Ben stood up from behind the bench that he was hiding behind with tears in his young eyes. His father's tragic story had really hit home for him, he couldn't imagine losing one of his parents and could only imagine how hard it would be to live without one of them. Ben hugged his father tightly around the waist, his father pulled him closer with his arm and all three of them were hugging.

After staying like that for a good long time Jackie stood up and took Ben by the hand and walked slowly back to the car. Simon stood up and pulled a small little book from his pocket; he then placed it in a clear plastic bag and placed it in front of the head stone. The head stone read, "Jeanette Miller; loved by all, adored by some and the world to one. Forever gone but never forgotten, goodbye and farewell doesn't even come close to the emptiness felt by the loss of your presence." The date read Dec. 1975 to October 31st 1994. The little book was Jeanette's diary.

Simon walked away from the grave and headed back to his family, the sun was setting on the horizon and was an amber and purple hue. It was almost as if God was smiling down on him letting him know that Jeanette was safe and sound in his arms and no longer suffering.


End file.
